Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize