Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
