just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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