my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
