I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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