I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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