My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
