...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize