Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
