Just cropdusted the office
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
