We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize