My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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