You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
