You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
