i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
