Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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