It's Friday. Sex?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
