I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
