I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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