Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
