yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
