How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
how drunk are you?
Several
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize