guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
