forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Enjoy the penises
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
