he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Couch. On fire.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
