Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
