he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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