Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
