In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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