At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
