I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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