There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
