as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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