something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
