Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
