Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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