even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
