it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize