OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize