I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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