Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
