I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
