They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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