uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
