I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
