Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
