you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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