it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize