i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
