Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
