Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
