I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
