I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
