Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
