Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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