Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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