Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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