I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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