A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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