Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
