I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
