in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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