According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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