i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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