i permit you to call me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
