You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
