I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
