Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
