No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
