He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
