I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
