Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
