Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
