Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
