i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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