I think I died a long time ago.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize