last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Let's get the cat blown out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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