If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize