My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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