Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
