I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
