Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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